It’s a strange thing to look in the mirror and not see yourself.  It happened often and sometimes it was really freaky. One part had eyes so sunken in with deep dark circles under them.  If she was there and I looked in the mirror, it actually freaked me out. She looked so haunted and scary, she looked like death. I remember one time at work, something totally freaked me out, and she came out. One of the guys in the office walked in after lunch and looked at me and said “What the hell happened? Are you okay?" Even he could see something was wrong.  

 

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My teachers, they were God’s gift to me.  I honestly believe my teachers were those that gave me hope in what would have been a hopeless world.  It all started in preschool.  My teacher and I had a secret.  I praise God I had teachers in my life who saw something in me and had compassion for me.  

The basement stairs!  That memory will forever be blazoned in my mind.  At preschool we would all go down to the basement to have snacks and sing songs and then it was time to go back upstairs and wait to be picked up by our parents. (Unless you were staying for naptime.  If that was the case you would have to stay in the basement and lay on the cots).  The idea of laying on those cots in the basement terrified me.  I couldn’t wait to be up stairs and out of that dungeon.  The boys in my class didn’t care, they were rambunctious and noisy and my teacher would often threaten the entire class. “If you don't settle down, I will make the entire class stay down here and sleep on those cots." 

 

It was a HUGE threat, at least for me. I remember the first time I heard her say that I froze inside. I was at the bottom of the staircase holding onto the rail for dear life.  I can only imagine the look of terror that must have shown on my pale white face as all the blood drained out of it.  I didn’t say anything, just stood frozen, holding the rail as tight as I could. My teacher must have seen something.  All I can remember was standing there and she leaned in really close to me and whispered in my ear, “I will never make you stay down here, I promise, I just say that to quiet the boys down.”  It was a moment, just a brief moment, a recognition that I was not okay, without embarrassing me in front of everyone or without prying questions on what was wrong. It was just that one sentence whispered into my ear that told me, I could trust her.  My body relaxed and I started breathing again.  We made eye contact and all was well in my world.  In fact, the next few times the teacher made that comment she would always look over at me and I would remember her promise.  I had a friend with her and I never ever had to ask for help.